Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
