Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
