The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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