Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
