I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
