yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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