what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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