3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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