Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
