What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
