You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
