guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
