I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
