Define "chronic" masturbator.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
