You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
