I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You pole danced in your parka.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
