But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i think my mom watched the whole time
In America we eat man semen.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
