does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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