I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
