Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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