My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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