I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
