My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
