when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
