Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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