True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
