they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
