I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
