after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
