Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
