Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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