You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I supernannyed him into submission
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
