last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
