i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
