you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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