"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
