He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
