You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Terrible idea I love it
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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