after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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