I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize