I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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