oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
