Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think your dad took our porno
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
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We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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