TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
