there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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