holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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