'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
