it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
