So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
