I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
