I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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