Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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