i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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