We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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