i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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