Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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