You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
