i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
