Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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