Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
babies were throwing up all over the place
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
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Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
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I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.