Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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