I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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