My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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