Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
