Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
