We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
