You smell like stripper and shame
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
