I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
