I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
