it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
