I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
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so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
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Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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