She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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