i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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