I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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