is your mom at the bar?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
