Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize