so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Randomize
